How I've Been Feeling:

I've really underestimated the impact going on this trip would have on my life. I somehow imagined it would be like going on a long holiday, and that I'd just say goodbye to everyone and get on a plane.

But it's not like that - I''m actually leaving my whole life behind. It's even more complicated because I really don't know what I'll be doing when it's all over. And that makes it hard to talk to people who I've developed close friendships with - everyone knows I won't be around in three months time.

I'm also finding it hard to keep motivated at work. Sure - I'm doing my job and getting everything I need to done - but my heart's really not in it anymore. Having the week off was great - but it's made it even harder to get back into things.

I've started thinking about my "leaving party" which makes everything seem so final. And it's got me thinking even more about all of the people I'm going to miss - and who are going to miss me.

But while all that's going on - I'm really enjoying the prep of a trip like this - which is actually making it all the more difficult somehow. It's like I get home and do my other project - the one I'm really interested in. And then the days just keeps ticking away, and I feel like I'm running out of time.

So I'm trying to make the time drag out so I can spend it with people, while trying to make it rush by so I can quit work and get on with it.

I should have done this when I was 18 - it might have been easier - or maybe it wouldn't have been - who knows?